Being Submissive

Recently, I answered the question "Why do you blog?" at another blogger's site which got me thinking about my many reasons. Two of them are to talk about crossdressing and to explore my sexual interests (and the combination of the two). This is kind of a mind-trip so skip if not interested in the dark corners inside of my head. Just remember, "if we were not all crazy, we would all go insane".

A topic I recently wrote about was cuckolds. As a refresher per the dictionary, a cuckold is a man who's wife commits adultery. Nowadays from what I've seen, I think it is much more than that. The man knowingly allows his wife to fuck other men although it is not because he permits it (implying that he has the upper hand), it is because she has told him that he will allow it (implying that she has the upper hand). The cuckold will often be a servant to the wife and the other man. Activities could include: preparing her bath; preparing the room in which they will have sex; preparing and serving them a meal or refreshments before, during, and after sex; interact with them while they are having sex in a subservient manner; photographing them; cleaning her and/or him after sex (licking up his semen from her vagina, off of his cock, or other body parts).

Although I couldn't have this type of relationship with her (and she's not at all interested in it either), the scenario fascinates me in several ways. After thinking about it and finding some new blogs about submissive men, it is the submissive role that the cuckold lives that is the real object of my interest, not the adulterous relationship. A submissive man serves her. His purpose is to make her happy, not himself. She has dominance over him. His pleasure is 2nd to hers or not at all. He does all of the chores, obeys her requests, and services her sexually to insure her happiness. She punishes him and teases him to make sure he knows that she is in control. He is usually naked while waiting for her and serving her, although she may have him wear a collar & leash, genital restraint, or women's clothing. And usually this is just in private, not in public. She controls his orgasm and denies it to control and punish him.

By nature I have a submissive personality. I'm not a push-over, but not the A-type Alpha Male type either. Sexually, I've always had an interest in femdom and being of service to women. This is more of an intellectual interest, as I've only had a few real-life experiences with this. I'm one of those guys that's easily intimidated by an attractive woman. Get me near a woman who's oozing sexuality and confidence and I turn to pudding and at the same time I'm magnetically attracted to her. My idea of oozing sexuality has to do with my fetishes - stockings, pantyhose, fine lingerie, high heels, legs, and feet. Sure, an attractive naked woman piques my interest. If she's wearing stockings, a garter belt, and high heels, she has my complete attention. Combine that with a strong personality and I'm jello. I read Leg Show magazine every month. It has both the legs, feet, and hosiery interest and femdom angles to it.

Crossdressing (which is everyday to some degree) brings me pleasure in several ways. First and foremost the tactile sensations - the feel of the fabrics and the way they hold me. I love the feel of hosiery, the all-over encasement, how they feel rubbing against other clothing, how my feet feel in them in shoes. Pantyhose hold things in and support things. I think I look better in pants wearing pantyhose underneath than without them. Panties also feel good as each of the various fabrics and styles feel different than the next. Women's panties are also more colorful than men's. Women's pants are cut differently than men's and usually fit closer. I can get pants that have a lower rise, longer legs, and have some stretch to them. Blouses are probably my only complaint. Women's shoulders are narrower than men's so its tough to find a style I like in a size that fits. I do like the covered buttons, extended cuffs, and fitting that they have. I digress...

"So what does your crossdressing have to do with submissiveness?" you are probably wondering. That's the second part of how crossdressing brings me pleasure. I feel submissive when I buy and wear the clothes. Men shopping in women's stores for women's clothing, even for gifts or if they have to go with their gf/spouse, is stereotypically something that men hate to do and get embarrassed doing it. When a saleswoman sees a man buying women's things, they either typically think or say "Oh that's so nice that you're shopping for her!" in kind of a condescending way, or they act like we're invading their space ("This is 'our' store, not yours. You need help as men don't know what they are doing."). So it comes as kind of a shock to them when I ask to try on women's clothes. That reaction makes me feel submissive to them. Or even if they don't care. No matter how they might react or say, the fact that they are permitting me to do so makes me feel submissive to them. I am gratefull that they allow me to do something that men should not. They could easily say "No."

Wearing women's clothes also makes me feel submissive. Part of it is the sissy-boy idea: men who wear women's clothes are effeminate and less than a real man, less than women. I don't act with a feminine personality or voice, but the idea of being less is a submissive trait. By wearing the clothes and shaving the areas that women shave, I am demonstrating that I'm not the 'macho' man. Sure, women may not always be able to see the women's clothes I'm wearing or notice them if visible, but I know that I am and I will behave submissive to them.

It would be very interesting to actually live out the submissive lifestyle that I mentioned in the third paragraph for a long period of time as I've read about others that do. It will most likely remain a fantasy as I know she would not approve of it and our current living arrangements prohibit us from doing so for an extended amount of time.